A Secret Teen Relationship

It had been only a few weeks before the summer holidays when I got back together with him. I did not think there was any rational reason for it; he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. Once we were together again, I let go of the anger I had been holding onto and gave him a second chance. I knew better, but I did not have the strength to act on it.

In that relationship, he gave me rules and restrictions. He made it clear that he did not want me telling people we were together, as if I were something to be ashamed of. That should have been my cue to leave, but I stayed and kept our relationship a secret.

A few days later, after school, he took me to a park close to his house, near a kindergarten. We sat under the shade of the greenery and talked for what felt like a long time. He told me he would be moving permanently back to Brazil as soon as the holiday started. I do not know whether he was being sincere or just playing with my feelings again, but I believed him completely. The news saddened me because it meant I would have to break up with him.

In the quiet of that park, I knew he wanted something more from me that afternoon. When the city tower clock struck 2 p.m., he had not done whatever he had in mind. I was willing, but too scared and shy to act on my teenage impulses. Then he stood up and said, 'So, you're just gonna leave me here like that?' He told me, 'You can do anything you want.' Something in his words gave me the courage to turn back, walk toward him, and kiss him.

He did not hesitate. He pulled me into his arms firmly, almost hungrily. For me, it was unforgettable and beautiful. The kiss lasted long enough for me to forget everything around me, but when I pulled away, reality rushed back and I pushed him back from me. I was overwhelmed, not only by what I had done, but by the fear that my father or his friends might catch me and beat me half to death. I kept the kiss to myself when I got home, as if I were hiding a forbidden pregnancy.

By the next day, he had gone completely no contact and did not speak to me. I remember thinking how stupid I was for kissing him, and that maybe that had been what he wanted the whole time.